I think one of the less talked about aspects of Bipolar Disorder is what happens when one is stable. I mean we hear lots about both the depression side and the mania/hypomania side. But, what about life as a stable person? Some call it remission. No depression and no mania. Most people would think this is a non-issue. For the average person who doesn’t know BPD it isn’t an issue.
For those of us who only know living in extremes, it is unknown territory to be stable; to stay coloring inside the lines. That’s where I’ve been for at least a year now. It’s the first time I’ve been to this place for this long. The strangest part is I’m not sure I like it.
I Miss the Extremes
I’m tempted to adjust my meds to make myself go into hypomania just a little bit. The problem is there is no ‘little bit’. There’s only ‘wanting more’ and more of the same.
There’s Always a Flip Side
Of course, having hypomania experiences means having depression episodes as well. The logical side of me knows this. I also know that wanting to mess with my medication is also a bipolar trait. I have to be careful not to fall into that trap which could potentially derail me completely.
Change is Part of Life and Bipolar
This could be a whole new chapter of my life. Maybe the discomfort I’m feeling lies in the fact that I don’t like change much. Then again, bipolar is all about change.
Has anyone else struggled with this? How have you dealt with it?
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